@mydanimarie: Guns don't kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
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@Pork_Chop_Hair: My dogs: OMG MOM IS DOING STUFF!! WOOOO!! GET HER!! Me: (just getting off the couch to go to the bathroom)
@fillthevacuum: "Here's the problem... You've got a Pokémon up there" - me, as a proctologist
@1evilidiot: It's funny when you tell someone that you don't like people, they always think you mean other people.
@sarawrencomedy: Being Asian means I will look 20 until I turn 65 then the next day I look 2000.
@FilthyRichmond: Lifeguards should focus more on water safety and less on me laying eggs in the sand.
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