@mydanimarie: Guns don't kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
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@mela_shea: Me: I can’t get this damn sports bra on! Him: Me: Him: that’s a plastic produce bag Me: I FOUND IT IN THE MELON SECTION!
@LostFelicia: I bought new sunglasses that blend well with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head
@SatansTongue: Give me a massage "Mm okay" *rubs oil all over her* *things get hot* *things get too hot* *she bursts into flames* "Dang I used petroleum"