@KenJennings: Guy at the park who just put out his cigar and started doing tai chi is my new fitness guru.
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@Holy_Mowgli: ICEBERG: heard about ernie? ICEBERG 2: yep…clobbered by a cruise ship ICEBERG: gotta be careful—damn things are 86% hidden above the surface
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: I like how you dyed all the meat green for St. Patrick's Day. Chipotle manager: It's St. Patrick's Day?
@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: My favorite movie is Zoolander, how bout u? ME: OMG SAME HER: What part's ur fave? ME: Um [sweating] when he lands a zoo
@Huber138: Me: Would you like to be a model? Her: yes Me: are you comfortable with nudity? Her: Sure Me: