Therapist: And what do we do when we feel like this?
Me: Summon an elder god to wreak havoc on our enemies!
GUY WHO JUST INVENTED DOORS: Now it’s easy to get inside!
GUY WHO’S ABOUT TO INVENT LOCKS: But what if it’s *too* easy?
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5yo: Mom is 47!
Husband: She doesn’t look a day over 40.
Me: I’m 37.
I tried to cook something from scratch..and ended up summoning a demon.
My friend’s kid just asked the server for ballsack vinegar and now he’s my favorite person.
I don’t hate anyone. I just don’t like people.
↻ ⊲ Ⅱ ⊳ ↺
volume: ▁ 5%
↻ ⊲ Ⅱ ⊳ ↺
volume: ▁▂▃▄▅▆▇ 100%
Just sang & made up multiple lyrics w/ actions to “If you’re happy & u know it” for thirty minutes… In case u need help writing that novel
“Your password is weak”
You’re the weak one
And you’ll never know love
And I feel sorry for you
DiCaprio movie endings;
Shutter Island: is he dead?
Titanic: is the boat dead?
Romeo & Juliet: is everyone dead?
Inception: am I dead?
I’m not taking the Democrat convention seriously until someone starts talking to a table.