@LindzThoughts

Guys are probably not very good at Yoga, mainly because every move for them would be called ” The uncomfortable Sausage”

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@inmynewskin

Let your girlfriend know how much you love her by screeching loudly like a pterodactyl whenever she talks.

@InternetHippo

If a cop is arresting you, just play the national anthem, he’ll be forced to stand still for the whole thing while you get away

@TheSharona06

At the grocery store, buying 6 of the same item

Cashier: Are these good?

Me: No. I’m buying all of them just to save others from suffering

@PaperWash

Man’s guide for a selfie:

1) Squint your eyes like your cool
2) Look off into the distance
3) Put your phone down
4) Don’t take the selfie

@davidkenny100

Pal: wanna impress your wife? Girls love a guy that shaves downstairs

Later

Wife: David! Why is there hair all over the coffee table!?

@OneFunnyMummy

On bad days I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse.