“exorcise” and “exercise” sound alike because they’re both the work of the Devil
Guys can we please civil war somewhere with shade? It’s really hot and some people want to bring their dogs
You Might Also Like
Women denied dating me long before Moby made it cool
Got a cut on my arm, someone on Facebook sent me healing vibes and PRESTO! two weeks later the cut fully healed this is not a joke people
I’m not to thrilled with our solar system.
I rate it one star..
I’m so glad I found Twitter…I finally have a rock solid Alibi for my Google Search History!
Me: I want you to know I love you from the depths of my soul. You are my essence & the reason I live. With you, I am whole.
[I am wearing a wedding gown at work]
BOSS: Do you have a minute to chat in my office?
ME: [lifting veil] I do
*gives joke answer to daughter’s 75th consecutive question*
[20 years later, she’s in an office] “Everyone knows the moon was built in 1973”
[tied up by the mafia]
any last requests?
“yes, let me go”
[still gets killed despite finding a loophole cuz the mafia arent very nice]