I am so sorry to hear about your grandma… I know what you’re going through my phone dies all the time.
Guys, check out this cool trick I learned. Take your upper lip and make it touch your lower lip. Now keep them like that.
You Might Also Like
Nothing like suddenly seeing a spider on the ceiling to make you realize you don’t need a nap anyway.
My wife is leaving for work and I just told the baby “no pooping today.”
5 years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that girl to marry me. She said no both times.
Monday is a draft that was sent by mistake when God’s cat jumped on the keyboard.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life.
2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
The older you get, the more you realize cancelled plans are better than sex.
Probably the rudest thing you can do to a stingray is catch it with a fishing pole and then fly it like a kite.
Me, at concert: [ironically] Freebird!
Band: *plays Freebird*
Me: Well that backfired.
HIM: Hi, I’m Bill.
ME: Hi, I’m…oh shit this is embarrassing. I’m not really good with names.