I always get self conscious buying toilet paper like some high schooler is gonna take a picture of me and post it online with the caption “lmao this dude poops”
“Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, GUYS!”
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I wouldn’t recommend drinking too much and wrapping presents. I still can’t find my remote.
Our 5 year old seems to have deemed himself the local virus warden.
Over the fence to our neighbour:
‘JEAN YOU NEED TO GO INSIDE’
‘Okay I will in a minute’
‘YOU’RE OLD AND THERE’S A VIRUS’
‘I’m not that old thank you’
‘HOW OLD ARE YOU JEAN?’
‘THAT IS NEARLY 70 JEAN.’
I keep having this dream that I’m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
Almost fell on the ice this morning.
In a split second, I had to choose between saving my life or saving my coffee.
Now I’m alive with no coffee.
And questioning my judgment.
Me: You owe me $33.50
Canadian Friend: *hands me a single coin worth $33.50*
Netflix and scroll through the selections until it’s too late to start watching anything.
According to the most current magazine in this doctor’s office, every home in America will have a television by 1962.
Of course I’m a mom, why else would I hide in the laundry room to eat cake?