man cave? she shed? no no. im in my theysement
Guys, I gotta run. I left the fire place video streaming.
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Interviewer: “Why should we hire you for our research team?”
Me: “I went to the second page on a Google search once.”
Avocado is the roulette game of all the fruits.
If you can’t handle me at my fattest, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me if I ever lose weight. Which could happen, you don’t know.
I was gonna take a selfie, but I just checked the mirror and I still have the same face.
I have a picture of my uncle standing on a tank he and two buddies destroyed in WWII. I cut my fingernails too short and I might stay home.
Dating is basically lying to women about how you like to travel.
Interviewer: How many words can you type a minute?
Me: Given a full minute I could probably type any word
100,000 Americans signed a petition to have Justin Bieber deported back to Canada.
8 million Canadians signed a petition to prevent this.
(God Creating Vegetables)
GOD: What if we made fruit gross?