HOW ARE SPOTTED OWLS ENDANGERED IF THEY’RE ALWAYS BEING SEEN
Guys, I have to stop cyber-bullying North Korea. They called my mom.
You Might Also Like
[Family game night]
Grandma: what are the rules?
Me: omg for the last time, we spin the chamber and take turns shooting ourselves in the head
Damn boy! Are you a slinky?
Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Being brave is overrated.
Just run away, screaming, like a normal human being.
“He be dead.”
Who? Your English teacher?
“Remember, when you’re near water beware of wild hippos.”
Don’t worry, I’m prepared for that.
*shows handful of white marbles*
Me: You’re SURE you know how to cut hair?
Wife: I told you I watched a YouTube video
She said “you’re dead to me” but I suspect she’s planning to make me dead to everyone else as well
Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it’s day off.
felt cute might bury dad later idk