I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village’s water. Didn’t go down well.
Guys! I’ve learned the secret women use to find things. Women actually MOVE THINGS AROUND when looking for something on a cabinet shelf!
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I call my wife the iNag because she has 32GB of complaints and they’re set on shuffle.
Know when to holdem
*Pick up panties
Know when to foldem
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
*Girl chasing me
knights of the ikea table
* having me let go will cost $10
This guy walked up to me and said he knew me from somewhere but couldn’t place where. I asked if he’d ever worked in a liquor store and guess what you guys?
i’m not in a weird mood this is who i am.
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches”
That’s me in the pantry. That’s me in the bright light, eating my Doritos.
“We need a solid plan to defeat ISIS.”
Galaxy Note 7: I have an idea