@LifeUnPinterest: Guys, please recycle. We wanna leave a better world for Betty White when we’re gone.
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@blood_orphan: I have a tenuous grasp on the English language. Shakespeare? That dude's grasp on the English language was, like... twelveuous.
@ComedyAndTruth: Dentist: *Pokes gums with sharp pointy instrament of death* Dentist: "Your gums are bleeding because you don't floss."
@Parentpains: Good thing some people show their bare chest in their profile pic, otherwise we wouldn't have known they had a torso.
@TheHyyyype: ME: *makes my first million* MY BOSS AT THE U.S. MONEY PRINTING PRESS: yeah, we usually don't make em bigger than a hundred