Guys that have a hard time meeting girls, have you tried painting some wings on the side of a building and waiting for them to come take pictures?
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My fashion sense has been described as “They probably won’t let you in like that” and “Are those your pajamas?”
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
I heard my cat walking down the hall because his claws are too long. Then I realized I hadn’t taken off his tap shoes since the photo shoot.
Joe: Just met with Secret Service
Barack: Oh yea?
Joe: I got them to agree to call Trump “David S. Pumpkins”
Enough with the fist bumping. I never understand what is happening. This time I held my hands open because I thought he was giving me M&Ms
Today I saw a bird shit on somebody for no apparent reason at all.
Then I thought of you.
“Oh look, rain! Wait, how do I drive again?” – People
Florida mom delivers 14-pound baby after surprise pregnancy .
Florida?? NO PART of this story surprises me.