@Bob_Janke: Guys that squirrel is on my patio in the dark dragging his little hand across his throat shit what do I do
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@TheAlexNevil: My earliest family memory is of my wolf pack attacking and ravaging a deer. As always, Uncle Joe got the wishbone.
@KeetPotato: me: [pretends to throw ball for my GF's dog and laughs] GF: "you'll regret that one day" me: "why?" GF: "my dog holds grudges" me: "don't be stupid" [one year later] priest: "does anyone here know why these two should not be wed?" from the back: "WOOF"
@daemonic3: [Easter Sunday] Who wants to try my Easter bunny microbrew? "Dad, don't" With extra HOPS! "Dad, stop" Happy YEASTER! [Uncle Ted pukes]
@jonnysun: a person who loves cats is not a cat person theyre a dog person who loves cats. a cat person is sombody who is completley apathetic to cats