dog 911: what’s your emergency
dog: there’s an intruder
dog 911: is he in your house?
dog: no, he’s across the street
dog 911: that’s not a problem
dog: what if he comes over here?
dog 911: OH GOD WHAT IF HE DOES
dog: SHOULD I BARK?
dog 911: FOR THE LOVE OF DOG YES
Guys with balls hangin from ur truck. that would mean ur truck is a man,yes? Which means you like to be inside a dude all day. Lol homo. : p
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Hey everyone who says aliens don’t exist.
Explain morning people.
It’s amazing that no one at this swim up bar has had to go to the bathroom in the last three hours.
“Please pass the bee-nut butte-”
I like staying in because soon as I step outside I spend $100
Wife: whats that?
Son: I painted a picture of a cat
Wife: it’s very good
Me: if it was very good you wouldn’t have needed to ask what it was
i formally apologize to anyone who knew me when i was 13
The only lyrics I can make out in the song “Informer” are “Hey farrrrmer…something….a leaky boom boom cow”.
Not 100% sure though.
The first rule of father club is “don’t tell your mother”