@1followernodad

guys: women are a mystery.
women: Here is what we-
guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT?
women: well for start-
guys: Guess we’ll never know!

You Might Also Like

@katlamcglynn

Why are books the only thing advertised as “Wherever books are sold.” You can’t sell other stuff by saying “Wherever you get this shit, IDK”

@hippieswordfish

Me: I’ll have the lasagna
Waiter: do you want bugs in that?
Me: what? No
Waiter: ok good that would be gross

@DanMentos

the idiots at NASA just hit Jupiter with one of their fireworks

@alfageeek

When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances.

@david8hughes

[donating blood]
Nurse: you’re looking faint. Can I get you a drink?
Me: no thanks, I’ve just had like 60 of those strawberry Capri Suns

@Nicholey23

You and I are just different. And by different I mean you’re stupid.

@withanewname

[looking at pics]
Where’s that?
-Hawaii
Where’s that?
-Jamaica
Daddy where was I?
-You weren’t born
Why’s the folder called ‘Good Ole Days’?