I wonder if clothes in China say “made around the corner”
guys: women are a mystery.
women: Here is what we-
guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT?
women: well for start-
guys: Guess we’ll never know!
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Why are books the only thing advertised as “Wherever books are sold.” You can’t sell other stuff by saying “Wherever you get this shit, IDK”
Me: I’ll have the lasagna
Waiter: do you want bugs in that?
Me: what? No
Waiter: ok good that would be gross
the idiots at NASA just hit Jupiter with one of their fireworks
When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances.
Nurse: you’re looking faint. Can I get you a drink?
Me: no thanks, I’ve just had like 60 of those strawberry Capri Suns
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you’re stupid.
[looking at pics]
Daddy where was I?
-You weren’t born
Why’s the folder called ‘Good Ole Days’?