Man: “Can you spot me?”
Me: “Sure”
Man: *Throwing down towel* “Invisibility cloak my ass”

You Might Also Like


he said he adored my imperfections.

and i was like WHAT IMPERFECTIONS????


Kylo Ren: I am your father.

Rey: We’re roughly the same age. You’re just copying everything Vader said.



Redheaded guys know they can just dye their hair, right? They don’t have to live like that.


My wife just asked me why she came home to find marinara sauce all over our sleeping baby’s head. Sorry babe, I’M NOT A DETECTIVE.


I just yelled at some kids to get off my lawn. They were my own kids, but they can find somewhere else to play like everybody else.


Being an adult means assuming someone’s dead every time your parents call you at work.


Vacation Bible School is a phrase that gets less exciting for kids as each word is introduced