The boomerang is Australia’s chief export (and then import)
H: where did you move after your divorce?
I moved on.
You Might Also Like
The little notes taped everywhere in your Airbnb:
Keep porch light off after 11:00pm.
Don’t use bathroom outlet for hairdryer. Breaker will trip.
If you hear a child crying in old pantry, don’t open the door. It’s not a child, DON’T OPEN THE DOOR.
POLICE CHIEF: They call him the copycat killer
ONE OF THE COPS (mocking tone): They call him the copycat killer
[everyone looks at him]
I’ve never seen a workplace Hanukkah display that didn’t shout, “We legally had to do this.”
I realize I put this off but how much weight can I lose in 2 hours?
Got you a shirt
I just found out my mum didn’t know how to set the clock on their new microwave. So they stayed up until midnight & then plugged it in
me: here is a list of Adult Swim cartoon characters I’m attracted to
therapist: can we talk about your depression?
me: we are
Nobody tell my husband that “year round periods” aren’t a thing.
Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it’s under the couch in the other room.