@Jeff_G_Nixon

“Ha-ha who me? Oh, I put ketchup on everything!”
CAR SALESMAN: please stop putting ketchup on these Buicks.

“Ha-ha who me? Oh, I put ketchup on everything!”
CAR SALESMAN: please stop putting ketchup on these Buicks.

- @Jeff_G_Nixon

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@BisHilarious

Called a restaurant to make a reservation but couldn’t think of the word so asked for a food appointment and now I can never show my face there again

@theNuzzy

I’m never gonna tell the person I’m meeting up with that you said hi.

@jakebrodes

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me: I just want some nuggets man

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@ibid78

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@FirecrackerKatt

You say stalker.

I say excellent research skills.

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@GabbbarSingh

Until you can’t kill a spider with an e-book, Print media will live.

@iwearaonesie

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@RobbyActually

My mom will lecture me about how dumb my video game hobby is and then spend a week knitting socks for her cat

@pixelatedboat

*reading news story about how great some guy is* wow this guy sounds great *reading further* oh no, he’s a bomber and he’s dead