@gentilecoont

“Haha, Imagine Dragons. What a dumb band name.”

-Neutral Milk Hotel fans

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@AnOrangeSNES

“I just called to say I love you.”

-Stevie Wonder not understanding how prank calls work

@DrakeGatsby

[First Day As A Director]

Me: [forgot how to end a scene] *tackles the cameraman*

@Cycloptomese

me: yo lemme get somma those THYIICC fries

kfc: you mean potato wedges?

me: yes potato wedges please

@OhNoSheTwitnt

“Welcome to the jungle”
Thanks.
“We’ve got fun and games”
Cool.
“You’re in the jungle”
We’ve established this
“You’re gonna die!”
Wait what?

@KizerBillhelm

I just got a Facebook invite to my brother’s non-alcoholic Mormon wedding.

I dunno which part of that sentence makes me want to cry more.

@OfficeofSteve

Sometimes I lay in bed awake at night thinking, how did Skeletor from He-Man speak perfectly without lips or a tongue

@AndyAsAdjective

When the chips are down, be a good friend & say a few kind words to the chips. See if that helps.

@Birdhumms

A selfie stick is very useful…..
.. as a prod to keep people out of your personal space.