@longwall26: haha just plucked a shoulder hair so long it could only have been written by George R.R. Martin, who is widely known for abjuring brevity in
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@BitchyJasmine: Bob: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: this year, can you put the santa presents out for the kids christmas morning? GUY WHO NEVER FOUND OUT SANTA CLAUS ISN'T REAL: what
@NewDadNotes: [restaurant] Me: I just don’t understand why you never let me pay for anything. Wife: [sigh] fine go ahead. Me: [velcro sound] thanks Babe!