Haha no i do not care what people think of me. Why what have u heard tell me everything right now

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She told me she liked it doggy style so I gave her a treat & took her for a walk.


All I need is to hear those 3 special words

“Want a sandwich?”


Jesus, I didn’t mean my cheese wheel when I said you take the wheel.


pillsbury doughdad: [turning oven down] put a dang sweater on if you’re so cold, you naked moron


i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead


My dog and I have the same schedule:

6 AM: Wake up
7 AM: Eat breakfast
8 AM: Use the bathroom on our neighbor’s lawn
9 AM: Play
10 AM: Nap


i can guess how someone will die based on their clothes
date: what about me?
Hawaiian themed bathroom fire


Guys, please recycle. We wanna leave a better world for Betty White when we’re gone.