“Haiku is 5 syllables, 7 syllables, then 5 syllables”
No, it’s literally 2 syllables
You Might Also Like
ME: Excuse me…Where’s the rowing boat equipment?
EMPLOYEE: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle.
ME:
EMPLOYEE:
ME:
EMPLOYEE:
ME: Or you’ll what?
He died doing what he loved, forgetting to put my potato wedges in the bag.
All I’m saying is you’ll never find cheese in a recipe for disaster.
[ Playing with Ouija board ]
Ouija board: I have a boyfriend.
My cat just started kneading my back in bed and I said “not now” so wish us luck we’re officially married.
[space shuttle]
Captain: prepare for landing
Me: roger that
C: reverse thrusters
M: sretsurht lol
C: lol
*we smash full speed into the moon*
My tubes are tied. I didn’t even know they were competing.
I’m thru spelling thru “through.”
Enough is enuf.
[doing crossword]
Me: I’m looking for a word that means slight pause
Her: Hiatus?
Me: *erasing ‘our sex life’* thanks
Heads up, cartwheels are my favorite thing to do hands down
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, “Would you take a photo of me?” If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
11,780 cans of beans on the wall…
[Jurassic Park]
JOHN HAMMOND: We’ve spared no expense!
ACCOUNTANT: There are no backup generators and you’ve hired 5 employees to run an entire island
JOHN HAMMOND: I meant on the dinosaurs
Police Sketch Artist: How about now?
Me: Look I already told you, the fruit bowl is nice for perspective, but I wasn’t mugged by a naked guy
I hate the word Fiancée. Why do i have to speak french just because youre getting married
I had to send a small item back to Amazon, so I put it in a refrigerator sized box and sent it on its way
My boss want to sign us up for a 401k. No way I’m running that far.
Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero in 2023 feels stupid. Just launch a Patreon my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio
When a girl tells u about her favorite animal – “I’d eat one” is not the right response.
“Congrats Lobster Boy, u got the job”
[Lobster Boy goes in for the handshake but cuts his employer’s hand clean off]
The only upside to Trump’s big wall is that Texas will finally get some of Banksy’s Art. Maybe like a little girl and a soldier with a gun
Me: So, you come here often?
Him: …..we’re in my house.
It’s not illegal to tell a ghost story when a cop shines a flashlight in your face
So unfair that I’m banned from Target. The sign said I could take three items into the dressing room and didn’t say one couldn’t be cake.
Cleaned bathroom sink half hour ago. Then trimmed mustache over sink. Oh … That’s what all those women I lived with were complaining about.
Lional Richie let the world know that he played no active role in raising babies or toddlers when he released the song, “Easy Like Sunday morning.”
State Farm
Like a good neighbor, stay on your side of the yard, pretend I’m not there, and let’s have as little interaction as possible.
Sorry about my outburst. I was under the influence of common sense
Me: *singing*
Teen son: *Grabbing car door handle* “If you don’t stop, I swear to God I’m jumping out!”
He was driving.
[grabs mic during TED Talk] They’re towing a BMW in the parking lot
*crowd goes apeshit*