@IamJackBoot: Hair color is camouflage. When it turns white, nature's saying, "this one's done; go ahead and eat him."
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@shopkins776: I never make New Year's resolutions. I just carry the ones over from the previous year and add "This time I'm serious"
@Adam14: Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That'll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
@Steven37366100: Wife’s friend: So what was your C section like? Wife: Well, it wa.... Me: Omg it was AWFUL. I had to just stand there for like 30 minutes
@ArfMeasures: GOD: *creates ant* I'm so pleased with this ANT: You could say you're triumphANT lol GOD: *creates anteater*