@LittleMissAngr1

Hair Stylist: *massaging my scalp* how does that feel?

Me: I would crawl through broken glass for you

Hair Stylist: what?

Me: what?

You Might Also Like

@o__0Dev

Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?

@jackiembouvier

I just saw a girl hang half her body out the window of her car to give someone the finger. She is my spirit animal.

@StinkyGr33n

All-day Christmas music at work, day 4:

Just Googled “Candy cane prison shank”

@Shen_the_Bird

robber: alright everybody hit the floor!

me, wearing applebottom jeans and the boots with the fur: my time has come

@LuvPug

I don’t know which meme to get my news from today

@Lisa_Laughs_

I’m going to throw an awesome surprise party for my daughter when she gets home and realizes I know that she snuck out! SURPRISE!

@beefman138

I hate it when my Wife says that we need to talk.

It’s always “What’s wrong with you?” and never about sports, beer or bikini models.