“OK men, spread out.”
Why US/Canada joint military exercises don’t work.
hand-to-hand combat, but its just two mimes trying to establish dominance by pushing on opposite sides of the same imaginary box’s wall
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I’d rather be with a man who blows his load too soon rather than starts singing too soon in a song. How embarrassing for both of us.
Prom Date: [coming down stairs in dress] How do I look?
Me, super woke cool guy: You look empowered & worthy of equal salary compensation
Feeling sorry for cannibals who are social distancing.
just cold shoulders.
Seems clear enough
[Me as a Sunday school teacher]
…then on the third day Odin went to Valhalla so that warriors who died in battle would have eternal life.
LADY AT COSTUME PARTY: ooh, I love Garfield!
ME (in a lovingly hand-tailored Hobbes costume): *starts weeping* haha yeah i hate mondays
Very sad to hear about Nigel Farage. Nothing’s happened to him, I’m just sad to hear about him.
Why do people draw sunglasses on the sun? It’s like, dude, he’s the sun. They make sunglasses because of him.
It makes me a little sad that shaking a vending machine might be the closest I ever come to fighting a robot.