[getting out my vuvuzela] anyway here’s wonderwall
[hands over brown bag with £10,000 ransom]
“Now give me my wife.”
“This is short by £2.39”
[hides Mcflurry] “it’s all I got.”
You Might Also Like
Horton Hears a who?
Horton Hears a what?
Horton Hears a huh?
Horton hears a chicka chikca chicka chicka slim shady.
Orange: Knock knock
Apple: Who’s there?
A: Orange who?
O: Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana?
A: Yes! That guy is the WORST!
You can learn a lot about a man based on how he responds to a bird pooping on him.
Also background checks and digging thru his trash.
Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made a better something out of myself.
*[At the dinner table]*
“No grandma, those aren’t knitting needles. We’re having Chinese food”
Why do doctor’s offices take your blood pressure AFTER weighing you? Of course it’s going to be high then.
Women freeze their eggs until they are ready to be a mom?
Can I freeze my two year old until I’m ready?
The Reggie-stry of sex offenders requires me to tell you that I just moved into the neighborhood