Based on the number of nurses on twitter, I now know why I’m bleeding to death in the ER.
Happy Dhanteras. If you buy gold today, you’ll become rich tomorrow. Except for gold merchants. Who sell gold & become rich today only.
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‘We’ll give you something to complain about.’
Hi. Yes I’d like one new body please.
Even one extremely wealthy white male can make a difference.
[walks into 4D ultrasound office]
Receptionist: Uh sir. This is for pregnant women
Me: I just want to see my burrito again
an app that shows you who NOT to date called ok stupid
Top three meanings of “I was just joking”
3. I was just joking.
2. That sounded worse than I thought it would.
1. She looks angry, abort!
ME: I own a hawk..watch. CLARENCE TO ME
[across town hawk at dinner w/ family]
WIFE:Just dont answer it
HAWK:*sighs* We need this job
If you want world peace, your army should be made up of massage therapists. I mean, who could fight while getting a relaxing massage?
You’re having a big wedding? Cool. I’m having a Big Mac