Happy Victorian Christmas, the sparrows are coming for us all

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Betrayal Treasury, Age 5:
Instead of ice cream after my tonsillectomy, a lime popsicle, the texture of which I do not enjoy.


To be honest, the only thing I really like about being a grownup is getting to eat a Popsicle right after I finish eating a Popsicle.


Suddenly she was on her back, clothes strewn everywhere and her wrists bound to her ankles. She always had trouble hanging out the washing.


If your parents say, “You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up”, remind them that they’ll have to die for you to be Batman.


To be fair to Justin Bieber if I had more than $75 I would act the way he does


I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better.


Felt bad about hitting a car yesterday but I remembered to leave a note. Didn’t have a pen so I used my key.