Twelve years ago today, my brother gave me one of his kidneys. I still can’t believe that he did it. I wasn’t even sick.
harry: [uses magic off school grounds literally one time]
ministry of magic: send an owl this instant. expel him from school
voldemort: [freely uses killing curse to commit wand murder]
ministry of magic: dang lol wish we could find that guy
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This running bra is the best thing invented, they didn’t say I’d have to transform into gumby to get the damn thing off though.
After a long journey Frodo and Sam arrive to return the One Ring to the fires of Mt. Doom
Frodo: Dude dont be mad, but I forgot the receipt
Robin: I refuse to be your side chick
R: *hiding overnight bag*
oh, I’ll just go and get the bat-mobile ready then
Pooh: There’s a rumbly in my tumbly
Pooh: There’s. A. Rumbly. In. My. Tumbly
Pooh: I’m hungry
Piglet: Say that then
Do not mess with bears. You’ll be their victim. Yogi Bear wears clothes. Where did he get his clothes? That’s right – a victim
in college, i was the third-wheel so many times they called me The Tricycle
Wait you misunderstood. When I called you “doll face,” I was referring to Chucky.
When my cats look out the window at another cat I like to pretend they’re judging and disparaging it with little British accents.
A man suffered a heart attack at the drive thru. I quickly Macgyvered a pencil to his electric car & defibrillated him. I was that hungry.