@alien_sushi: Has anybody seen my keys? theyre awesome.
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@ArfMeasures: Wife: What's going on? Me: Updog Wife: Oh not that joke again Me: Just say it! Wife: Fine, what's updog? Dog: A movie about a guy with a floating house Wife: Holy shit
@AaronCSU54: My therapist thinks meeting women on twitter for sex is a bad idea. His wife disagrees.
@tommygunz07: Hugh Hefner lived so long that his first wife's name was Mildred and his last wife's name was Crystal.