@CrockettForReal

Has anyone tried biting a zombie to see if they just turn back into people?

You Might Also Like

@Jarhead44

Yesterday, Mike heated up his fish in the break room.

Today, Mike is missing.

Don’t be like Mike.

@welltbh

why are clothes so expensive???? i should not have to pay this much to not be naked. people should pay ME to not be naked

@grumbist

im VERY laid back. i only care about 2 things:

every person on earth & their opinion of me
the crushing psychological weight of being alive

@DaddyJew

Waitress: what will it be?

Me: I’ll have the rum cake but with the rum on the side

W: so u want a glass of rum & a cupcake?

M: yes please

@evecullen610

I didn’t have to shower alone today…..

Related…….why the hell are there spiders in the winter?

@NervousJr

I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.

@markydoodoo

Go suck an egg. Lick a mango. Breathe on an avocado. Make everyone at the grocery store uncomfortable.

@codyspencer0

Cereal box mascots give kids a dangerously positive view of animals who in the wild would literally kill them before they gave them cereal.