[packing for work trip]
“Honey, where is our business ketchup?”
(Has hundreds of bad experiences smelling things)
Him: Smell this
You Might Also Like
ME: hey I’m just in time to watch the meteor shower!
METEOR: um, how about a little privacy?
Sheepdog: Here are your 40 sheep.
Farmer: But I own only 36.
Sheepdog: I know. I rounded them up.
I believe the Pope did what all Catholics are told to do. Pull out early.
It’s always cool to swallow your pride unless you’re a lion.
He died doing what he loved. Harassing bear cubs.
You really dropped the ball today Ted. You’re fired.
“Please, no. I can try harder.”
You operate a wrecking crane, man. People died.
Teenage Mutant African Mammals
His best quality?
His bad eyesight. He thinks I’m beautiful.
Knight: Ready the catapult! We’ll fling one of their dead soldiers back at them.
Me *the corpse*: Don’t call it a comeback!