@w00f_w00f

Hate it when couples fight & change their relationship status to “single”. I fight with my parents, and don’t change my status to “orphan”.

You Might Also Like

@Mom_Overboard

Him: I’m gonna throw you over my shoulder, carry you into the bedroom, toss you onto the bed, and have my way with you…

Me: Ok but on the way to the bedroom, can we swing by the fridge?

@AndrewChamings

If you watch home alone backwards it’s about kid who tortures two strangers then his family comes home and yells at him

@tastefactory

EXPLORER 1: *looking at ancient symbols in pyramid* It says “Here lies updog”
EXPLORER 2: What’s updog?
EGYPTIAN SPIRITS: Lol

@stonedcoldlazy

Since Canada isn’t making the penny anymore-did the price of a thought just go up to a nickel?

@HavocMantis

*goes in bank with finger guns*
This is a robbery!
“no one’ll take you seriously-”
*switches to double barrel finger guns*
“do what he says”

@verycozy

Im sorry, but you only have two weeks to live

*slides the doctor a five dollar bill*

Ooooh make that 3 weeks buddy

*winks at loved ones*

@EvilPandaX

Anyone realize Dora is always lost every episode? Why is their no Amber alert for her? Is it because she’s Mexican?

@TheTalkingPipe

The cable guy said he’d be here sometime between 1:00 and April, 2016.

@RickAaron

Area 51? I thought we were all gonna storm Forever 21.