@Herbs1996: Hate when older people say "you're too young to be tired" alright Margret you're too old to be alive but here we are
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@Marlebean: I can do this parenting thing with 2 hands tied behind my back! because they're holding me hostage
@LaziestCanine: Cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you Me: yes, he was not very friendly
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: "I injured myself at the gym" Buddy: "Too much weight?" Me: "I guess. I was just trying to lift my Segway onto the treadmill"
@thebeckyard: Angry beavers can't get our packaging open, but go ahead and try in your weakened state lol -cold medicine companies