@rubyetc

#have a #great #PancakeDay

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@Rainbowbunee

Pretty woman, the kind that don’t eat meat
Pretty woman, the kind that likes to hug trees
Ohoh what can I do? She’s making me eat vegan food

@TheToddWilliams

[aliens observing earth]
ALIEN 1: Did all of their clocks just move ahead an hour?
ALIEN 2: Looks like it, yeah
ALIEN 1: Bunch of idiots

@flashember

DOG: [running in circles trying to catch his own tail] SON OF A

DOG’S PREGNANT WIFE: *looks up from knitting* Son of a what, David? Say it

@caliraingirl

Everyone should have that “tester” first twitter account to screw up and learn from… You know, kinda like that first child you have.

@Browtweaten

PA System: Attention shoppers, the store will be closing in five hours

Sloth: Uh oh

@OBiiieeee

Only 90’s kids will remember this! *plays outside*

@Book_Krazy

[A pair of crocs sitting on a riverbank]

Why do you think people hate us so much?

“Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks.”