@rubyetc
@MenCodes
The New Yorker has 0 chill
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@MenCodes
@Go2Slp
How to sports:
– Take a ball
– Put it someplace someone else doesn’t want you to put it
– Congratulations you’ve now sportsed
@TheToddWilliams
[Eating ribs at BBQ Joint]
“Would you like a Wet-Nap?”
No thanks, I had one this afternoon.
@ThugRaccoons
[Homeschool field trip to the laundry room]
Kids: Dad, what IS this place?
Me: I have absolutely no idea
@pixelatedboat
Sad to see Kamala Harris drop out. I didn’t like her policies but she was the candidate most likely to build a RoboCop
@RobElliottComic
When I see a couple fighting I like to walk up to the one who’s more pissed off and whisper “We can make it look like a suicide” and wink
@wolfpupy
hello secretary? i need you to go to that website where you can combine pokemon and combine mew and squirtle, print it out and bring it here
@DanMentos
I bet the first person to keep track of his age was a gigantic tool
“This is my 24th winter”
Shut up and help us kill this boar, Stuart
@FatherWithTwins
My son’s superpower is to turn 1 cracker into 10 lbs of crumbs
@sad_tree
*shows up to date with horse drawn carriage*
“I’m so surprised!”
Yes it’s a terrible drawing of a carriage but he didn’t have thumbs so