Pretty woman, the kind that don’t eat meat
Pretty woman, the kind that likes to hug trees
Ohoh what can I do? She’s making me eat vegan food
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[aliens observing earth]
ALIEN 1: Did all of their clocks just move ahead an hour?
ALIEN 2: Looks like it, yeah
ALIEN 1: Bunch of idiots
DOG: [running in circles trying to catch his own tail] SON OF A
DOG’S PREGNANT WIFE: *looks up from knitting* Son of a what, David? Say it
Everyone should have that “tester” first twitter account to screw up and learn from… You know, kinda like that first child you have.
Track coach: run like the wind!
Dude from Oklahoma: *spins*
PA System: Attention shoppers, the store will be closing in five hours
Sloth: Uh oh
People who say they “Like to have fun”…
Only 90’s kids will remember this! *plays outside*
Day 3 of my thirty minute DIY project
[A pair of crocs sitting on a riverbank]
Why do you think people hate us so much?
“Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks.”