I may have hit rock bottom, but the upside of being down here, is I can see up all of your skirts.
As you were.
have all the brands stopped pretending they’re people? It’s safe to assume Hot Pockets isn’t going to announce it has covid19 tomorrow?
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*watches as both hands turn into devils*
*looks over sink*
“Oh, this is just great”
The FBI’s security gets penetrated so often that we should make it an honorary Kardashian.
She : It’s not working between us.
He : Why ?
She : For starters I can’t handle your silly jokes.
He : Hmm okay and for main course ?
Don’t give your heart to someone unless you’re 100% certain that you’re dead.
I told my niece if I cut her open she would just be made of chicken quesadillas and she said if she cut me open I’d just be dead. Smart kid.
My mom told me not to cry wolf, but it was too late.Wolves were pouring out of my tear ducts, filling the kitchen and adjoining living room.
Naked and Afraid but it’s just you in someone else’s bathroom with a toilet that won’t flush
*breaks into your house at night*
*finds your bedroom*
*blows on you til you wake up*
HI I’M CHET CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A SECURITY SYSTEM?
“So,why r all Arabs terrorists?”
‘There’s 369,243,763 Arabs.If they were mostly terrorists,you’d be dead’