Leonardo: Let’s go rescue April!!
Donatello: Let’s do it!
Vincent: *cuts off ear* give her this
Have kids so you can answer questions like, “Are numbers letters?” and “How old was I when I was 3?”
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GIRLFRIEND: Hold on, Dan’s calling.
ME: Tell him I said, “Hi.” He’ll know what it means.
GIRLFRIEND: …I assume it means “Hi.”
ME: Yeah I didn’t say he was the only one who’d know what it means.
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Probably my favorite thing about zoom calls is when people are running late but have literally no excuse, so they’re just like “sorry I’m late I’m just very bad at managing my time and also I don’t want to be here”.
Friend: You can improve your visual acuity with carrots
Me: *shoving a carrot into each eye* You better be right about this, Gary
I’m working out again in hopes that I can wear my superhero shirt in public without someone saying, “Batman really let himself go”.
My parents and teachers said I could be anything I wanted but I’m 28 now and I’m still not a hot Asian girl named Bang Bang 🙁