I wish they had an app that allows you to delete your number from other ppl’s phones.
Have you heard about these cats getting plastic surgery to look like kittens?
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Me: Omg it’s soooo hot!
Dog: You want me to sit on you?
How thin do you have to be to go skinny dipping?
I have a very dry sense of humor. So I drink moisturizer.
*puts baby powder in a crib*
Problem: I hate peeing alone, sleeping, & nobody talks to me about random nonsense
Me, 1st day as a geographer: ice is lonely water
Senior geographer: what
M: and rain is happy water
M: fog is ghost water
S: pls stop
At this point, I’m positive I’ve read the entire Bible via Facebook status updates.
*crosses off bucket list*
Abraham: look here son, i got windows 98! Isaac: but dad, we don’t have enough memory? Abraham:Have faith, God will provide the RAM.