@jtrulez: Having my oil changed today, but I need proof it's really changed. I've been hurt by oils before & I'm not going through that again.
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@tweetmommybop: We will all sleep a lot better if someone tells us the nuke passcode requires spelling.
@hazelmotes1: I got fired on my first day as a paramedic for trying to revive everyone with true love's first kiss.
@dadopotamus: “What’s it like having a two year old boy?” *throws a toy car at his face* Like that.
@Brianhopecomedy: "Dadd-" "No." "You don't even know what I was going to say!" "You're wearing your Superman costume and standing beside the ladder. No."