the big fight.
i’m glad you trained me.
i’m glad i trained you.
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Canadians are not always nice, especially if your son pisses on their snowman.
Every one of my trophies might as well say “Best Trophy Thief.”
Hubs: You’re home all day, why isn’t the house clean?
Me: You’re at work all day, why aren’t we rich?
I don’t want a sugar daddy but maybe like a sugar buddy. I just hit him up like “Hey how are you today?” and he replies “Doing great thanks for asking here’s $7,000. “
Peanut brittle, because you have a craving for peanut butter and ceramic tile.
Spider just landed on my shoulder. I didn’t want to kill it so I just fainted instead.
[Getting phone call from the School]
Teacher: I’m afraid I have to inform you, your son was in a fight.
M: Did he win?
T: That’s not really relevant.
M: It is to the winner.
Interviewer: Can we call your former employer for a reference?
Me: Not if you’re considering me for the job.