Make your first kiss more memorable by letting them know about your sci-fi themed weapon collection moments before your lips touch.
having sex w/ a girl who has multiple personalities would be awesome unless one of those personalities was hitler
You Might Also Like
Thanks to yesterday’s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
It’s not a coincidence that so many blues songs start with “Woke up this morning…”
We now return to ‘CANADIAN SNIPER’
*canadian sniper shoots an enemy*
*canadian sniper yells ‘sorry’ from far away*
Col Mustard: We’ll have a quiet night
Miss Scarlet: No murdering!
Professor Plum: No one dying tonight!
Me: What’s wrong? Are you all “board” of it lmao
Col Mustard: Maybe a little murdering
Miss Scarlet: Toss me that candlestick
Someone made up dinosaur sounds without ever hearing them
I think police forgot which organized group of white dudes with shaved heads they are.
I’VE GOT GOATLIKE SPEED & REFLEXES
“Don’t you mean catlike-”
BAAAH [Climbs on top of roof and begins eating shingles]
Hope my neighbors like my new pet howler monkeys
Kids today will never know the struggle of flipping a cassette tape in a Walk-Man will riding on a bicycle at the same time.