A girl on Facebook says it’s officially too cold to go outside. Thank you for your official confirmation, Madison, I will remain indoors.
Me: Oh ya you like that?
Me: [baritone voice] OH YA YOU LIKE THAT?
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Just got a job opening demanding 13-18 yrs of experience in iOS development.
Do they realize that the platform itself is 8 years old?
Hi Barbara? Yeah I just saw the posters you put up and no, I have not seen your cat but I’d love to. Is now a good time to come take a look?
I flirt with the devil from time to time just to let him know what he’s what missing.
My daughter said I was too old for over-the-knee boots so I bought two pair and told her she was too young to borrow them.
Bought the cheapest possible Mercedes yesterday ’cause I needed to use the bathroom at the dealership.
Yes, other people are stupid. But to everyone but you, you are one of those other people.
life: here’s some lemons
life: a bad hairline too
life: also anxiety lol
me: why did u start with citrus
If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…” I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.
I knew I saw you the moment I laid eyes on you