Don’t be shy, send that 8th unanswered text
He arrives mysteriously. Helps others, performs miracles, is betrayed, dies, is resurrected, and ascends into the heavens.
– E.T. (1982) PG
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Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
Yeah yeah “Friends with Benefits” are cool but have you tried “Friends with Batteries”? Less drama!
One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said “friggity diggity” please do not rt
Why can’t mirrors be nicer
Some people exercise on purpose by rowing little boats.
Canoe believe that?
Instead of the Maternity Ward they should have called it
the New Releases section.
“Any requests for your final minutes?”
“Yeh, I want the last episode of Lost explained.”
*acquitted on a technicality
“Do you want to play doctors and nurses?”
*flirty giggle* “ok…”
“I’m a specialist. The earliest I can see you is May next year”
I hope this tweet finds you in contact with reality.