@Reverend_Scott

He arrives mysteriously. Helps others, performs miracles, is betrayed, dies, is resurrected, and ascends into the heavens.

– E.T. (1982) PG

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@honeybadgerMel

Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.

@LanieLalaBugs

Yeah yeah “Friends with Benefits” are cool but have you tried “Friends with Batteries”? Less drama!

@dulcetry

One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said “friggity diggity” please do not rt

@LostFelicia

Some people exercise on purpose by rowing little boats.
Canoe believe that?

@scottthetwat

Instead of the Maternity Ward they should have called it
the New Releases section.

@WildeThingy

[electric chair]
“Any requests for your final minutes?”
“Yeh, I want the last episode of Lost explained.”
*acquitted on a technicality

@0point5twins

“Do you want to play doctors and nurses?”

*flirty giggle* “ok…”

“I’m a specialist. The earliest I can see you is May next year”