Almost went outside without my phone and now I know what it’s like to lose your child at the mall
He-Man wasn’t gay. He was just uninterested in Teela and was very good friends with a man named Fisto.
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Co-worker playfully snapped my suspenders and now everyone in the office knows my safe word.
Hope I’m never tortured, because I just pulled a hangnail off my finger and now this entire restaurant knows my pin number.
I ran out of toilet paper a week ago.
I am now running out of paper towels.
I love the people in parking lots with “free kittens” signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn’t be oppressed.
You: Hold my beer.
Me: *drinks it because I’m not a table*
I think Jesus came up with that whole virgin birth story. No one wants to picture their parents doing it.
Corn mazes can be confusing until you remember corn isn’t walls and you can just walk right through it.
Tampax needs to extend the string to 2ft so I can hang myself with it every month.
Yet another “No DMs” bio. All this civil rights progress but bigotry against Dungeon Masters is still tolerated.