People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
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[zebra in prison] well this is ironic
PRISON GUARD: no it isn’t
ZEBRA: ok but I do look kinda funny in here
PG: dude, you murdered 3 people
Cats be like “I know a spot” and proceed to take a nap on the important papers you are working on to meet a deadline.
If you say “it’s twelve noon,” I assume you eat cow beef and didn’t do well at education school
Boss: I’ve been told one of you is just a robot car in disguise
*everyone stares at me, even Optimus who is drinking oil instead of coffee*
Hot singles are in your area!
Hot singles are on your block!
Hot singles are in your house!
Hot singles are here to kill you!
[Army Shooting Range]
Officer: Are you locked & loaded?
Soldiers: YES SIR!
Officer: You may fire at will!
Soldier Named Will: WTF?
Toddler: [spills cup of apple juice]
Me: Don’t move!
Toddler: [sits on spill]
If you only see one raccoon getting a marriage proposal today, make it this one.
Are you Chinese? Well, how about you?”
– Chinese Checkers