*hears your text message notification beep*

*constantly imitates it so you check your phone for no reason*

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For those who wanted a world without vaccines, this is the world without ONE vaccine.


Tech support guy asked me to rank my issue as normal, urgent, or extremely urgent. I did a 6min long scream into the phone & let him decide.


Probing: Aliens have had plenty of time to figure out our biology -now they’re just having fun.


CDC Recommends Also Wearing Face Mask On Back Of Head In Case Coronavirus Attacks From Rear


Just got every hair on my body waxed off except eyebrows and head. I look like a naked mole rat.
Men, come & get me if you’re into rodents.


This is your pilot speaking. We’ll be taking off shortly once our flight crew confirms that this is, in fact, an airplane