@DreamyIdealist3

Heck is a place where people go if they don’t believe in gosh

You Might Also Like

@MartinPilgrim1

1.Not leaving my room
2.Not leaving the house
3.Missing someone’s birthday party

My childhood punishments have become my adult hobbies.

@BoomBoomBetty

[hangs a sixth set of wind chimes along the property line]

That’s for blasting country music at your backyard party last weekend, Rick.

@jbringsmayhem

9: do they drink beer in heaven?

Me: I kinda doubt it…

9: does somebody check for it at the gate?

Me: …

@chuuew

[first day as a beekeeper] my pockets really hurt

@WilliamAder

Pharmacist: How can I help you?
Me: I’d like to see a menu.

@Average_Dad1

I use the yellow colored emojis. My wife uses the flesh colored ones. Somehow we make things work.

@_Tempo11

Exits public bathroom stall

Makes eye contact with the person next in line

Mouths: “I’m so sorry”

@Home_Halfway

My favorite part about Harry Potter is the imaginary world it takes place in. I often wonder what England would be like if it was real.