“You’re a ten?”
“On the PH scale, Cuz you basic.”
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like ‘Stabbyrabbit’ or ‘Weaponrat’
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all these ghosts using slowed down nursery rhymes to haunt people like jesus christ for once i wish some dead person would choose gasolina by daddy yankee i mean youre already dead. bend the rules. pick a bop.
*crawls into windowless creeper van*
One kidnapping, please.
S is my favorite letter because it changes biscuit to biscuits.
The best misheard song lyric ever is “Hit me with your pet shark”.
I will hear no other opinions on this matter.
Fluffy towels that don’t absorb anything but just move water around on your body are the devil’s handiwork.
her: I’m a cat person
me: I’m more of a dog pers-
her: [starts licking hind leg]
me: oooOoo k
“STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO”, I yell to my 5 year old.
me: *kicks a stone*
mountain: my baby
if i had a girlfriend i would brush the pop tart crumbs off of my bed so she could lay with me