She’s like a cat. I don’t mean in bed, she just ignores me
Hello Darkness my old friend.
Darkness (under his breath): Oh God, it’s him again.
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Me: Let’s role play. You be a jogger out for a run, & I’ll be the body you stumble across.
Him: So you’re planning on just laying there, like always.
The big phone companies don’t want you to know that you can get a free call whenever you want by punching a cop.
Me: so what do you do
Date: i’m a pharmacist
Me: so farm assist like milking cows
Date: no like drugs
Me: how do u milk drugs
I’m outside my kid’s door, listening to him and his friends rank hot moms & I’m apparently second so now I guess I have to kill Billy’s mom.
“hey we use animals for literally everything else in our lives. lets use our feet for cars.” idiot flintstones. no wonder you’re extinct.
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Things Red Bull has given me:
3) a heart attack
Things Red Bull has not given me:
The iPhone 8 probably won’t even have a phone in it.