And when you saw one set of footprints, that must be when you started paying attention cause I got tired and went home a while ago
HELLO FELLOW HUMAN TEENS I HEARD THE COOLEST PLACE FOR US TEENS TO HANG OUT IS ??? ???????? ?????? ?? ???? ???? LETS GO DO NOT BRING WEAPONS
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What woman say right before they kill you:
I’m not mad.
Sure, stay friends with your ex.
–Popeye’s gym schedule
does anyone know what happens when your mom gets to 3? like has anyone ever been stupid enough to ignore her after counting to 2 1/2 and survived to tell the tale??
Ffs laughed out loud 😂
Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman and behind her stands the surprised mother-in-law and behind her,your surprised Dad.
Instagram Girl, just relaxing in her sweats: Perfect ponytail, full makeup, hydrating after an intense yoga session.
Me, just relaxing in my sweats: Sweating pretty hard, because I dropped a chocolate chip down my sports bra and I’m trying to fish it out before it melts.
i’ll never forget what mom said when dad told her he thinks we’re growing up too fast
“they’re in there daring each other to eat dog food”
Pizza delivery guy just rang my doorbell & I didn’t order pizza. Told him he had wrong house, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
-What are you in for?
-Rape, murder. You?
-I invented web ads that make you wait to skip past them.
-[backing away] That’s messed up.